Sunday, 23 March 2014

Goodbye YouTube

So, you may have seen on my Instagram or Twitter that last night I made the executive decision to stop making YouTube videos. I have been making videos for around two years and I have made some amazing friends and had some great opportunities because of my YouTube channel. I got to go to events, I occasionally got sent press samples, I made partner and I got an internship at Grazia Magazine. Those have been incredible perks..but from the way I've been treated on social media recently, it's just not worth it for me anymore. 

I started making YouTube videos back in 2012 because I was really lonely. I was living at home, retaking my A Levels whilst all of my friends were off at University living new and exciting lives. I had watched YouTube videos for four years, and in January 2012 I decided to put up my first make up tutorial. 

I remember sitting at my laptop all day refreshing the page to see if anyone had liked the video or commented. In one day, my channel had reached 50 subscribers, and I started to feel like I was a part of something. Then the comments started to come in, and they were all so lovely, they really boosted my self esteem and I loved the interaction I had with my viewers. This has ALWAYS been my favourite part about YouTube. It wasn't about the views or the subscribers for me, it was about the interaction I was able to have with you guys. 

Over the past 3 months, I've been really unwell with a viral infection. I wasn't able to make videos or see any of my friends for a while which made me feel very isolated, and reminded me of how I felt back in 2012 when my friends all moved away to university. I didn't have YouTube to fall back on, because I was too ill to make videos. When I was feeling a little bit better, I was excited to get back on YouTube and chat to you all and to become part of the community again. But as I started to put up new videos, a lot of my comments were critical. 

Like I said before, I've been on YouTube for 2 years, I know better than anyone that critical comments are all part of the job. These comments weren't ones that I could just laugh off, as they were all on a common theme. They were all about my weight. Not only did I start to get these comments on YouTube, but also on Instagram and on Twitter.





   

These are a few comments I have gotten. I feel like I'm already in a battle with myself about my weight and the way I look, I don't need anyone else to fuel the fire. I understand that some may criticise me and say that if I can't handle the criticism, then why put myself out there on the internet for anyone to comment. You know what they say, if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen..so here's me hanging up my apron (..or my video camera)

I really hope that no one feels that I'm ungrateful for all of the support that I have received over the last two years, because I am so so thankful for every single lovely comment, tweet and thumbs up on all of my videos. I'm not in a good place in my life at the moment for a lot of personal reasons, I'm not feeling very happy and YouTube is not improving the situation. At the end of the day, YouTube is my hobby and not my job, and if I'm not enjoying it then why force myself to produce content that I won't enjoy making and thus you guys probably won't enjoy watching.

Thank you to those of you who have supported me, and I'm really sorry if I've let anyone down. I'm still considering making a vlog channel for when I move to Australia in July, and maybe occasionally doing fashion posts on this blog, but I will not be making fashion videos on YouTube. I'm not saying ever again, but at least not for a while.

I hope that you all enjoy the rest of your weekend and if you'd still like to follow me on social media platforms, you know where to find me.

Twitter: http://twitter.com/faye_wonderland
Tumblr: http://fayewonderland.tumblr.com
Instagram: faye_wonderland

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sad to hear this :( I've watched you on YT for a while, you've always stood out to me, you're so different and refreshing compared to other people I watch! I definitely couldn't tolerate the hate comments - It baffles me how people think they can say what they like on the internet with no regard for peoples feelings! Good luck with everything and I hope things pick up for you soon!
    Kathryn xo

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  2. Ah this makes me sad, angry. Sorry to hear this! Whenever I see that you've uploaded I always stop what I'm doing and watch it straight away, I will certainly miss this! I understand your position, I don't know how anyone can be expected to put up with those sort of critical comments, it makes me so angry that girls feel the need to pick apart other girls about their appearance all the time! It is so unnecessary, and I bet these girls are FAR from perfect themselves - you should really feel sorry for them that they have such negative and spiteful mindsets! I bet they would never have the guts to present themselves on such a public platform as Youtube. Although they have made you want to stop, don't let them belittle your achievements at all, you've definitely done a lot to be proud of. I think you have a great personality and even if you don't ever go back to fashion videos, it would be great to see some chatty vlogs again at some point - though of course it is completely your own decision :) I hope you feel a lot better soon, and good luck for the future - particularly moving to Australia (SO JEALOUS) xxxx @sophienoz

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